Costa Rica Day 5: Heartbroken

"Break my heart for what breaks Yours..."

Drew: There have been a great deal of amazing things happening here in Costa Rica, and overall the trip has been a huge blessing in a variety of ways that I am only beginning to understand... but I wanted to share a moment that crushed me. There is a song that pops up every once in a while on the iPod while we are painting, which has a lyric I have been thinking about (posted above... great song, link here). It has been something that I have really been praying about, because I think in a way it has been easy for me to detach myself from the tragedies that occur almost daily while living in L.A.

This afternoon, there were 4 girls at the orphanage that were really, really excited... way more excited than usual (which is saying something). We found out that they were going to be able to hang out with their mom for a couple of hours. I'm sketchy on the details, but I think their mom is trying to get back on her feet so that she can gain custody of her kids again, which is really great. However, when the kids returned a couple of hours later, they were no longer excited. It was the first time that I had really ever seen them sad; they had been crying, and when we asked them why they were sad, one girl (3 years old) replied, "Porque yo quiero vivir con mi mama."

That simple statement, along with the look of pure anguish on her face, broke me. This pierced through the calloused layer around my heart that had been built up by the overload of sad stories and situations that I hear and see everyday. She was not a story... she was a girl that was afraid and overwhelmed with grief. She was not asking for a new toy, more money, better food, her own room... she was asking to be with her mom. And there was really nothing we could do to make that happen for her. She did not understand why it was happening. And we couldn't make things okay for her in that moment. There is hope that things will be better in the future, but in that moment... we were helpless. So instead of trying to solve her problem, one of the girls simply picked her up and held her. No words, no games... just comfort.

This is one of the pictures that will stay with me, and will provide a reminder in times when I am that little child, not really understanding why life happens the way it does, asking questions that don't have really good answers... that God does not provide logical answers. He does not give a lecture on why I did not get a certain job, a certain girl, a certain life, or explain the benefits of His plan for my life. He simply picks me up and holds me. No words, no games... just comfort.

For those of you who have supported us... thank you. God has been showing me things I never really would have understood or cared about without being here, in this country, in this situation, and in this moment. I feel incredibly humbled and grateful, even for moments as heartbreaking as the one we saw today.